Cultivating inclusive and intersectional friendships in today's diverse and interconnected world is vital for building strong, supportive, and equitable communities. But differences, especially those we don't understand, can sometimes present challenges.
Interested in how to overcome these challenges and build meaningful, inclusive relationships? Want to know how to be a better friend to those who are just as different from you as they are similar? Today, we’re getting into it! Learn about intersectionality and how to demonstrate to friends that you value them.
At Pure Health Center, we gently guide teenagers and adults of all ages seeking to make meaningful connections with individuals from diverse backgrounds. By respecting the intersectional nature of identity and communicating respectfully when making friends and nurturing existing friendships, we can be better friends to those we care about.
Many people think of romantic love, sexual relationships, or family when they think of love, affection, connection, and bonding. However, some of the best love stories in our lives are those we have with our friends.
When making friends and sustaining friendships, we're voluntarily spending time with people we care for, who it feels good to be around. Ideal, non-parasitic friendships involve going to friends in times of happiness, sadness, and everything in between. Friendships involve sharing love, laughs, cries, arguments, hugs, secrets, spaces, and experiences.
Friends celebrate, help, and see each other for who they are—and that means seeing color, even if it seems benevolent (or convenient) not to.
Many people say they "don't see color," thinking it says they treat everyone equally. This statement, even unintentionally, denies the reality of others' racial identities. It ignores an essential fabric of a person's being.
To make friends and be a better friend in cross-racial, intersectional relationships, start by seeing, valuing, and honoring color. Folks who identify as Black, Indigenous, or People of Color (BIPOC) may feel there's no way to be an authentic version of themselves or have close, cross-racial, intersectional relationships with people who don't acknowledge and understand the reality of how societal institutions treat them because of their color and racial identity.
You want your friendships to be safe spaces where your friends feel accepted and secure in sharing all parts of their selves with you.
"Intersectionality," a word coined by civil rights advocate and race and gender scholar Kimberlé Crenshaw, describes the intersectional, overlapping relationship of individual characteristics such as:
Understanding the intersectional aspects of your friends' lives means recognizing that the different parts of their identities aren't separate. Their race, gender, sexual orientation, and more interact with and influence each other, shaping the experiences, opportunities, and challenges they face.
Teens and adults can build meaningful, inclusive friendships and be better friends by understanding that identity components can't be ranked according to importance. For example, a friend's identity as a woman doesn't supersede her identity as a Black American. And her experiences aren't the same as a Filipino American woman's, even though they're both women.
Intersectional characteristics mutually exist and create complicated experiences of differing privileges and inequalities for each person.
Talking about discrimination, oppression, and privilege can be uncomfortable, but it's much more painful for your friends to experience such discrimination. You can be a better friend and more emotionally and mentally supportive by:
Inclusive, intersectional friendships create an emotionally and mentally safe sense of belonging and social connectedness. They can challenge stereotypes and break down barriers. Feeling accepted and supported by friends from different races and cultures can boost self-esteem, reduce feelings of isolation, and enhance overall mental well-being. Engaging in positive relationships across cultures contributes to a more inclusive and equitable society, fostering harmony and understanding.
At Pure Health Center, we recognize that a person's identity can impact their mental health within their friendships as in their workplaces. We're dedicated to encouraging and empowering individuals in their relationships and social networks. We're committed to anti-racism and address multicultural, gender, and LGBTQIA+ issues in our counseling sessions. Our therapists support individuals and guide them in making friends and how to be a better friend in ways that promote mental and emotional health, understanding, respect, safety, and authenticity. Call us today to learn more.
