Relationships are supposed to make us feel connected, supported, and seen. But sometimes, without realizing it, we lose ourselves while trying to hold onto someone else. If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly putting another person’s needs first (even at the expense of your own) you might be experiencing codependency.
We do want to be clear about this one thing. Codependency isn’t just about “being too nice” or “caring too much.” It runs much deeper and is often tied to patterns we learned early in life. Many people in therapy discover that what they thought was love, loyalty, or responsibility was actually a cycle of unhealthy relationship dynamics.
So, what exactly is codependency, and how does it affect your mental health?
At its core, codependency is an unhealthy pattern where one person focuses heavily on the needs, feelings, and problems of another person — often to the point of neglecting themselves. It’s common in romantic relationships, but you can also see it between friends, family members, and even coworkers.
In a codependent relationship, you may find yourself stuck in a cycle of over-giving, over-caretaking, or trying to “fix” the other person, believing it’s the only way to feel secure. The hard part? It doesn’t usually feel toxic at first. In fact, it can feel loving, generous, and selfless—until it leaves you emotionally drained, resentful, or unsure of who you are outside of the relationship.
Sometimes, codependency shows up subtly: constantly worrying about how the other person feels, adjusting your own needs to avoid conflict, or believing their happiness is entirely your responsibility. Over time, these patterns can seriously impact your well-being.
The mental health impacts of codependent relationships can be significant, especially when these patterns go unnoticed for years.
People who experience codependency often struggle with low self-esteem because their sense of worth is tied to how much they can help, fix, or care for others. This creates a painful cycle of anxiety, where you fear what might happen if you stop meeting someone else’s needs.
You may also experience chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, or symptoms of depression. It’s hard to feel joy or peace when you’re constantly walking on eggshells or putting your own needs last. Over time, codependency can lead to burnout, emotional numbness, and a disconnection from your own goals, identity, and values.
While every relationship is different, there are common signs that might point to codependent patterns. If you recognize yourself in some of these, it doesn’t mean you’re “bad” at relationships — it means you may have learned survival strategies that no longer serve you.
Here are some of the most common signs of codependency:
These signs aren’t about weakness — they’re about learned behaviors that can be unlearned with time, support, and compassion.
Codependency might begin as a result of past relationship trauma, and it can create a loop that’s hard to break without awareness. But how did you end up here? A codependency cycle usually starts with good intentions: you want to help, support, and love well. But over time, being a helper turns into rescuing the other person. Your support turns into fixing and, without realizing it, love turns into self-sacrifice.
When you take responsibility for someone else’s emotions or life choices, you may begin to lose touch with your own. This can lead to resentment, overwhelm, and an identity that feels rooted only in being “the helper.” The other person may become reliant on this dynamic too, which keeps both of you stuck. People who attend individual therapy or couples counseling often notice this cycle playing out once they have space to reflect on it. It’s not about blame — it’s about noticing the pattern and learning new ways of relating.
The good news? Codependency isn’t a life sentence. With self-awareness and support, you can change these relationship dynamics and reconnect with yourself.
Therapy for codependency is one of the most effective ways to untangle this cycle. Whether it's in individual therapy or a shared setting with your partner or family, a therapist can help you. This will give you the opportunity to explore where these patterns started in a safe space so you can unpick how they show up in your relationships today, and what it would look like to build healthier boundaries.
If you see yourself in these patterns, you’re not alone. We’ll end as we began: please be kind to yourself as you learn because Codependency isn’t about being “too much” or “not enough”—it’s about learned behaviors that can be unlearned with the right support. Therapy for codependency can help you understand these dynamics, set boundaries that feel good, and build relationships that support your well-being. If you’re in the Chicago area and want to explore what healing looks like for you, reach out today to start the conversation.
