Gratitude practices are a great way to focus on the positive and boost your mood, but sometimes they can turn into something less helpful — toxic positivity. It’s that feeling when you think you should be grateful no matter what, even when things are tough. In this post, we’ll talk about what toxic positivity is, how to avoid it, and how to keep your gratitude practice feeling real and balanced.
Toxic positivity is all about pushing positivity, even when it’s not helpful. It’s the idea that no matter what’s going on, you should always stay positive. But here’s the thing— forcing yourself to be upbeat all the time can actually do more harm than good. It can make you feel guilty for having real emotions, like sadness, frustration, or anger.
In a city like Chicago, where life moves fast and the winters are long, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, "I should be grateful for what I have. Why am I so stressed?" But that mindset can leave you feeling worse, not better. It’s important to let yourself feel what you’re feeling without the pressure to “just be positive.”
Gratitude practices are meant to help us focus on the good stuff. But when they become about forcing positivity, they can turn into something toxic. For example, if you’re constantly telling yourself to be grateful during a stressful workday or when the Chicago weather starts wearing on you, it can feel more like pressure than relief.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, "Why don’t I feel better after practicing gratitude?" it might be because you’re skipping over the part where you acknowledge the hard stuff. Gratitude should complement all your emotions, not replace them.
A balanced gratitude practice allows space for all of your emotions—the good and the bad. Here’s how to keep your practice grounded and avoid slipping into toxic positivity:
Before you dive into gratitude, take a moment to check in with yourself. How are you feeling, really? If you’ve had a rough day at work or the winter blues are kicking in, it’s okay to acknowledge that. Maybe say to yourself, "Today was hard, and I’m feeling stressed out." It’s important to allow those feelings to exist before moving on to gratitude.
Gratitude works best when it’s authentic. Instead of forcing yourself to be grateful for something big, focus on small, specific things that truly bring you comfort. Maybe it’s that first sip of coffee in the morning or hearing your favorite song while commuting on the L. Gratitude should feel natural, not like another task on your to-do list.
Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. Instead, think of it as a way to shift your perspective slightly. Let’s say you’re overwhelmed with work, but you can appreciate that you have a supportive coworker. Or maybe the Chicago weather has you down, but you can be thankful for a cozy night in with a warm blanket. Gratitude can help you reframe things without ignoring the stress that’s also present.
While gratitude is great, it’s not a magic cure-all. It’s important to have a few different tools to handle stress, especially when life feels overwhelming. Here are some other strategies that might help:
Mindfulness is all about staying present with your emotions without judgment. So if you’re feeling down because things are tough for you right now at work or home, let yourself feel that way. You don’t need to force positivity on top of it. Simply acknowledging your emotions can often be enough to make you feel more grounded.
Physical activity can be a great way to shake off stress. Whether it’s a run along the lakefront, a yoga session at home, or even just a quick walk around the block, moving your body helps clear your mind. In winter, it’s easy to hunker down indoors, but getting outside (even when it’s cold) can make a big difference.
The fast pace of city life can make it hard to stay connected with friends and family. But human connection is one of the best antidotes to stress. Even a quick chat with a friend or family member can help you feel more supported and less alone in what you’re going through.
If you find that your gratitude practice is starting to feel forced or you’re struggling with toxic positivity, it might be a sign to reach out for more support. Therapy can be a great way to explore these feelings and get more personalized help.
In individual therapy, we can work together to unpack what’s going on beneath the surface and find ways to manage stress that feel true to you. Living in a fast-paced city like Chicago can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
Toxic positivity can sneak into even the most well-intentioned gratitude practice. But by acknowledging your feelings, staying authentic with your gratitude, and using other coping tools, you can keep your practice healthy and helpful. If you ever feel stuck, remember that individual therapy is always an option for support and Pure Health Center is here to help.
