Grief and the Holiday Season

The holidays are here again. As a time to give thanks for traditions and celebrate with family and friends, holiday celebrations tend to wrap around the spirit of renewal. But the holidays can also be a time of mourning. As the holidays approach, or during the holiday season, losing someone close to you may make moving forward, renewing, or forgetting the ills of the past year particularly challenging. This may also make you feel like you must rush through your grief because you are surrounded by so much joy. Family gatherings and socially expected gratitude can sometimes feel forced. This includes whether you’re grieving the loss of someone who has just recently passed or mourning the loss of someone that passed away many years ago. When grieving a loved one who has passed away or some other important loss, it is natural to be overwhelmed and experience heightened emotions during the holiday season.

The Struggle of Grieving During Holiday Cheer

A festive, happy, and otherwise joyfully chaotic atmosphere surrounds you during the holidays as you watch others celebrate. Undoubtedly, this makes grief and the holiday season compounded with many warring emotions. You are surrounded by joy, celebration, and excessive joy. At the same time, you feel incredibly alone as you think about your lost loved one, lost opportunities, or lost time. This causes you to feel a thankful but painful awareness of how fragile life is.

Understandably, you may become overwhelmed while actively grieving the loss of a loved one, a family member, a child, the end of a relationship, or the loss of your pet. And unfortunately, there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all solution to grief. While we all deal with grief differently, grief is what provides us with the opportunity to begin healing.  

As you start or continue to navigate your grieving process during the holidays, you may find these tips helpful:

• Take your time; don’t feel the need to rush yourself through any feelings
• Be honest with yourself and others,
• Reach out to family, friends, and anyone who has experienced similar losses in the past.
• When you feel overwhelmed, let your tears flow. Crying will help your grieving process.
• Make time for solitude, mourning, and remembering but balance these activities with planned social events.
• Ask others to help with cleaning, cooking, shopping, and decorating.
• Perhaps you’ve been putting off talking to a counselor. The holidays can be incredibly stressful, so now is a perfect time for individual counseling or attending a group on grieving.
• Remind yourself that grief is another form of love – you wouldn’t be grieving if they didn’t matter. Your sadness is valid and healthy, especially when you lose someone dear to you.
• Ask yourself: what gift do I need to give to myself this year?

The Best Ways to Honor Your Loved One and Celebrate the Holidays This Season

The holiday season can be a meaningful time to honor a deceased loved one while celebrating ourselves. We know this isn’t the typical holiday narrative. However, when you reimagine and redefine what you want the holiday season to be and to look like, the freer, you will feel to express your grief regardless of what others expect. No, this doesn’t make you self-centered; in fact, quite the opposite. When you finish this exercise, you may even realize that you have been avoiding your emotions to support your family at the expense of yourself for a long time. That’s normal. Understanding what that means and what you need to do about it can also be part of your healing.

Listed below are a few tips for beginning your process of redefining and reimagining the holidays:

• Choose what traditions you would like to keep and which you would like to change. Your loved one can be commemorated by creating a new tradition.
• During this holiday season, reevaluate the values your family has passed on to you. Are there any that you disagree with? Do you want to emphasize any particular values this year?
• During the holiday, find or create activities that reflect each of your values. If an idea seems unconventional, don’t hesitate to put it into practice—you’re making a tradition for yourself.

5 Ideas for a memory-filled holiday celebration for your loved one:

• Create a memory box and find a place for you and others to record special memories. Pick a time to look through them together.

• Donate to a local charity the gift you would have given to them.

• Create an ornament, wreath, candle, or other decoration in celebration of your loved one, and use it whenever you feel the need.

• Host a memorial and spend time with your loved one at their gravesite.

• Prepare their favorite dish, or at least attempt to do so.

Although it may seem impossible now, your life will begin to rebalance over time, provided you put time and effort into it. You will even get to the point where you can be happier and more like yourself. It is important to remember that you can get help if you are experiencing grief that isn’t getting easier over time, feel constantly overwhelmed, or feel unable to cope on your own. Support is available in the Arlington Heights area; we welcome you to work with one of our therapists near you. Call us or visit our website today to learn more about our services or book an appointment!

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